are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
