I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Vodka?
Forever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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