Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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