I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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