So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
