but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
