can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
