I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
