I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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