:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
