I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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