yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
