i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
