wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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