yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
