Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
