making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize