It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
