Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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