Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
