I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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