does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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