Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
