The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
