The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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