You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
