I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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