I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
