When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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