He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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