he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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