we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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