god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
