And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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