Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
