roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
