I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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