Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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