Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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