My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
