i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
