So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
