I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
