they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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