Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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