Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
