i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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