Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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