i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
