The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
