hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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