is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
