Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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