im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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