We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
