I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
