A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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