went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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