No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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