i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
