So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
