it wasn't lemon gatorade
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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