So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
