Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
